


Polylogue

by fairhearing



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Books, Competency, Explicit Language, Food, Geniuses, Humor, Internal Monologue, M/M, Mathematics, Obsession, Pansexual Character, Philosophy, Physics, Poetry, Sex, Shakespeare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-25
Updated: 2012-04-25
Packaged: 2017-11-04 07:26:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/391292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairhearing/pseuds/fairhearing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the prompt: "Can someone please write a fic where Kirk loses his brain filter and say what he thinks? Only (in addition to his slight obsession with sex) he reveals how smart and competent he actually is?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Polylogue

* * *

  


"Captain --"  
  
"Don't say it, Rand, I've already figured it out. No control over my inner monologue and since I've never been a linear thinker I sound a little schizophrenic, I'm sure. But nothing's a line, everything's a pool, that's the easiest thing to figure out, but if you hit age fifteen without knowing it, you're fucked -- _How could the Eternal do a temporal act,/The Infinite become a finite fact?_ , Auden -- and I'd be statuing if I were starting to show signs of schizophrenia, is 'statuing' a word, HEY that's some visible nipple there, Yeoman."  
  
Rand turned bright red, sputtering.  
  
"Please excuse me, entirely out of line, but there is the inner monologue problem -- dialogue? polylogue? -- and they are very nice nipples too, I can't really blame myself for thinking about their presence but I assure you it's not affecting my professionalism Rand, have you ever considered the fact that the bulkhead you're leaning on is frozen? All solids are, but I guess I never really considered okay. Uhura, have you contacted Bones yet? Mmm, ice cream cake. Uhura, your legs are so beautiful."  
  
"Thank you, Captain," said Uhura serenely, apparently taking this in stride. "The doctor's on his way."  
  
"Thank you, Lieutenant. Mmm, nachos. Now, Chekov, he knew the bulkhead was frozen, I bet, right, Chekov?"  
  
"I --"  
  
"And I bet you know how fast the bulkhead needs to be moving to convert it to, well that's easy, say thirty kilograms gets you three-point-oh times ten to the ninth meters per second squared, and. Hey, that'd work. Mr. Chekov, can you isolate a static warp bubble for a tiny window, say point-one, no, point oh-six-three (--> infin) nanoseconds to be safe. Right around me here, and disable the inertia stabilizers so that I'll be at the speed of light again, which because I just checked this morning at the gym oh-six-thirty-six hours I was 81.6466266 kilograms -- lookin' pretty sexy, am I right, ladies? -- converts to... well, you know."  
  
"Ah, yes, Keptin, 8.16466266 to the ninth degree of ten squared."  
  
"You're so fucking smart, Chekov, and also cute but Sulu would kill me. All right, do that, and I think this whaddeveryathingy should be reversed -- you're cute too, Sulu -- hmm, I'd like to get laid. Don't worry, later, later. I'm still hungry. _Our cup of woes overfloweth, but alas, is not yet full,_ either Psalms or Siddhartha. Or Lord of the Rings? Hey, Bones! Bones is here! Bones, I'm in love with you. As you can see, I have no control over my inner polylogue, which sounds like 'polliwog,' ha."  
  
McCoy stared.  
  
"The polliwog thing, Chekov's fixing it. Fixing nachos, unfortunately not. Ouch, that love confession is going to cause drama later, isn't it? But _Unhappy that I am, I could not heave/My heart into my mouth_ , King Lear, I changed the tense. Damn, I'm hungry. Nachos are also frozen? They must be! Is my mind blown? (Haha, blow.) Hey, Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind."  
  
"Energizing, Keptin."  
  
"...though I suppose the liquid parts of nachos would not be... frozen..."  
  
Kirk paused.  
  
After a moment of blessed silence, he cleared his throat.  
  
"Thank you, Mr. Chekov."  
  
"Not at all, sir."  
  
Kirk sighed, and looked over the bridge crew.  
  
"Do we really have to go through the 'awkward recovery' phase?" he asked them wistfully. "Can't we just chalk it up to boldly going, and move on?"  
  
"I, personally, would enjoy nothing more than to forget this ever happened," said McCoy, deadpan.  
  
Kirk lifted his eyebrows. "Okay, then. I'm off to lunch. Not surprisingly. Also, Bones, can I have a few lozenges? My throat's kind of sore."


End file.
